Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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