Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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