Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
