keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
