I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
