i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
