Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
