Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize