My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
