She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
