ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
