I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
