so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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