Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
