I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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