it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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