omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
