do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
