Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there's paper in my vomit.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
