So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
how drunk are you?
Several
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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