Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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