Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
