I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
