Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize