Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
