No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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