she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
