Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
