It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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