try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
