fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize