I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
