maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
