Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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