I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
