Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
