i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
