Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
