Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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