If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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