I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
