I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
