Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
