Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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