Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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