yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
