i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
