And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
