Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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