shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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