I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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