I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
