Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize