Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pants are for mortals
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
