Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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