you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
