My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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