I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
