I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
