dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
