I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
