Where did you get a picture of my penis
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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