i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
