I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
3pm strippers are depressing
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
