and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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