My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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