i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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